Saturday, December 26, 2009
The Old Me
Yeah, that was me. For almost 20 years. I quit cold turkey a couple of months ago. Matter of fact:
I have been quit for 2 Months, 1 Week, 23 minutes and 26 seconds (68 days). I have saved $552.62 by not smoking 1,700 cigarettes. I have saved 3 Weeks, 2 Days, 14 hours and 40 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 10/19/2009 1:00 PM
Don't laugh...that stuff is the kinda stuff that motivates me. Because, as much as I have tried to be a positive person, it's a daily struggle. So, I focus on positives and by making that a priority, it becomes easier every day.
The Old Me wouldn't recognize what I've recognized today. A couple of days ago, I blogged about my horse, his lameness, my frustration, etc etc...it really did come across very negative. You see, I felt I was justified to complain about such things, as it had been a battle we have fought for several years. I recognize DEGREES of frustration and sadness now. The Old Me didn't care about such things...the Old Me was more of the "it's black or it's white" type of mindset.
After typing my entry that day, I realized how silly I sounded when there are people out there with much bigger problems than mine. I suddenly then felt very grateful for all the wonderful blessings in my life. I went home and wrapped the last few gifts for my girls and no longer felt intense guilt that I couldn't buy them EVERYTHING on their list...because I did the best I could, and no one can ask for more, right? I was grateful for my girls, and my loving husband (even if he's always grouchy) and my loyal old dog, Sunshine.
Life is fragile. A short and sweet gift. What we do with it is our decision. However, what happens along the way is out of our hands. It's filled with ups and downs. It has so much to teach us.
Having lost a child, I know the immense pain and heartache. I don't wish that on any other living soul. There is nothing that will test a person's faith more. I have a beloved friend who's oldest son is in a coma today, having been struck by a car on Christmas Eve. It doesn't look good for him. My daughter is one of his closest friends. Sure, they drifted apart as they got a little older, but they grew up together. They were always in trouble; playing in the dirt, riding bikes out of the neighborhood, raiding garbage cans...doing all the kid stuff. He had a speech impediment when he was small, and called me "yo-wah" instead of Lora. He hated grilled cheese until my husband made him one once. He loved pro wrestling and collected all of the little dudes and accessories. He looked at me like an Auntie and my husband as an Uncle. He is only 15. My daughter is devastated at the thought of losing him.
As we head into a New Year, and I look back at The Old Me, I realize how much I've grown and changed. I realize how lucky I am that I can watch my daughters grow up; and not only because I'm still here, but because they are, too. They have so much to contribute to this world.
I'm just grateful for another day. Another day to celebrate. Another day to pray. Another day to just BE.